In the beginning…

…we didn’t want children. We were young – we got married when I was 21, he was 22. We even had a list of all the reasons not to have kids. Not a paper list, a verbal one. We were up to somewhere near the 200’s. We moved to San Francisco a year after we got married. Mr. Hope’s brother and his wife announced they were pregnant. We were living completely different lives.

We loved San Francisco. We didn’t even talk about kids. It was very clear that we wouldn’t have them as long as we lived there. I was on the pill most of the time we lived there.

Here’s the thing…somewhere around my 25th or 26th birthday…I started thinking about children. Actually having them. I started thinking about the rest of my life, our life – both with or without children – what would be best for us?

We moved back to Texas after 3.5 years in SF. We lived in an apartment while we saved for a house. We had the TALK. We agreed to start trying to have a baby after we moved into our house. I said Christmas of 2003.

We closed on the house October 10, 2003. My brother died in a car accident the next day.

The grief was (is?) overwhelming. There were not going to be any Christmas conceived babies – not because we weren’t having sex, but because the thought of babies wasn’t even possible.

We decided to take a long vacation to Hawaii in the summer of 2004. That would be the beginning of the “trying to conceive” journey.

I thought I would get pregnant immediately. Boy, was I wrong.

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~ by Larisa on May 8, 2005.

One Response to “In the beginning…”

  1. Welcome to Bloglandia!

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