pity party for one

OK. ok. ok. I can breathe. I can.

My best friend just told me she thinks she is pregnant. She and her dh were married last November, and they’ve been trying since Jan/Feb. He travels 5/7 days a week, so their time together to try has been pretty limited.

She took a test a MONTH ago and got a faint positive. Not being the researcher that I am, she just thought that was like a “maybe”. She still hasn’t had her period, and she is having all the typical pregnancy symptoms. Her first appointment is Tuesday.

I’m happy for her. I’m happy she doesn’t have to go down this road. She has always wanted kids. Parts of her pregnancy will be fun for me.

I’m also sad, angry, bitter, and a little jealous. I watched her tell her dh that she had told me from a distance – I watched that moment they shared together and was so jealous right then. She talked about how disappointed he was that he would miss the first appointment – all I could think about was the appointment at the RE that my dh and I got to share.

I’m sad too, because I think she waited to tell me. I think she probably told another friend first. She was probably wondering how I would take it – she knows we’ve been getting testing done. She doesn’t grasp the details at all, nor have I bothered to explain them. I think I’d lose her interest pretty quickly.

It also makes me think that I won’t get pregnant while she is. I don’t know why – it’s just this feeling I got in the pit of my stomach when she told me. Hopefully, that’s just some emotional, paranoid reaction that doesn’t mean anything.

Dh has been worried that this would happen. He didn’t say much when I told him – just “I’m sorry”. He’s left me alone since we got home.

I don’t know if I will be able to throw her a shower. I just don’t know. I will probably do it though. I did her wedding showers.

*****************************************************

On another note, thanks to those who have commented on my previous post thus far. It’s interesting to read others’ perspectives and roles. There are a couple of you whose blogs I haven’t really read. I will have to get to those this week.

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~ by Larisa on July 10, 2005.

3 Responses to “pity party for one”

  1. I’m so sorry. Right now none of my close friends are in that spot, and I am ever so grateful! Hugs to you for getting through that.

  2. It’s definitely a hard thing to go through. I’m sorry you’re experiencing it – but I find at least knowing that it took them awhile too makes it a little easier.

  3. It’s so hard when that close friend gets PG. Oh how I know. And the really horrible part is that it SHOULD be this really fantastic, joyful time, and IF just robs us of our ability to be purely happy for others.

    I’m sorry you got mugged in a drive-by PG-ing.

    They suck.

    Remember two things about dealing with PG friends: 1) It doesn’t affect our ability to get PG (and I totally know that I can SAY this and not personally believe it) 2) Self-Preservation is the key: be as kind and supportive of your friend AS YOU CAN. Do NOT feel bad for your feelings. This only makes things worse.

    Good luck, Mrs. Hope. We’ll come through this in time.

    Stupid time.
    -D.

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