So we have a couple that we are really good friends with. They have two kids, and the husband always says, “Kids make you stupid!”

I’ve been trying to figure out if my parents have been insane since my childhood, or if maybe it happened around when they turned 50 (my dad is 56 now, my mom will be 53).

My mother is obsessed with QVC. It’s just about the only thing she watches on TV, and she believes everything the salespeople say about their products. She has bought at least two useless exercise machines, numerous useless gadgets, and a few unused gifts for me. She actually believes the women when they say things like, “The combination of polyester with lycra results in a fabric with a beautiful feel and drape.”

My father, on the other hand, only believes in things you buy at Sams. He buys all of his clothes there. Whether or not they fit, he wears them. He also firmly believes that if you can buy it dried or freeze-dried, it is better. Mushrooms. He buys freeze-dried mushrooms and onions. He eats them in salads, mixed with other vegetables, and in anything you can think of. He is very offended when others do not partake of his dried bounty. He also believes that everything tastes better if you add liquid Zatarains crab boil stuff to it. EVERYTHING. Like broccoli, potatoes, spaghetti.

He also has taken to complaining about money even more and in stranger ways than he used to. My sister bought 2 pairs of jeans that were on sale for $20 each. He complained because he could have gotten some at Sams for her for $15.

We went to the Olive Garden for dinner. It’s my parent’s 2nd favorite restaurant. My dad didn’t order wine, which I thought was weird. He ordered a glass of water and an additional glass of ice. He then pulled out a flask and emptied the contents into his glass of ice. It was red wine. Red wine. I was horrified. He said something about that only costing him $.50 and a glass at the restaurant would be “ten times that”. My sister reassured me that it had really gotten better…he used to bring the alcohol in an old shampoo bottle.

DH and I wonder if we will go completely nuts like this. I really hope not.


~ by Larisa on July 26, 2005.

5 Responses to “cuckoo”

  1. Oh my! I would have been mortified if my father did that… of course after the initial shock wore off I probably would have laughed about it. Parents are quirky… I guess that is part of what makes us love them so much!

  2. Mrs. Hope!
    Hilarious post!!!
    My inlaws and your parents could be best friends. My MIL thinks that if you need to buy it; wait til she sees it on QVC. She really thinks she’s getting a deal on the stuff.

    Your father is a hoot, and my mother does the same stuff. She brought slices of Kraft cheese to McDonald’s once. You’ve got to admit that’s WAY worse.

    Hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh.


  3. God what a relief to see that other people’s parents are just as weird as my own…

  4. i have an aunt and uncle that used to pack their baby bag with the baby’s bottles and then a BABY BOTTLE FILLED WITH LIQUOR! no, they never mixed the two up…at least i don’t think. i was only 11 and i found so many things wrong with this!

  5. Great post. My dad is hooked on Home Depot and Sears. If you can’t purchase an item at either of those stores (except for food, of course), he scarely believes it’s worth having.

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