spam?

So after I got home today, I eagerly checked my email – 10 whole hours without internet access! I received an email from my BabyCenter, via my pregnant best friend. It gives all sorts of information about how many weeks along she is, what the baby looks like right now, what’s happening in her body, etc. I didn’t really want that email. How hard is this going to be? I don’t know that I can do this – be a friend and listen and read and support without turning myself into some kind of sappy martyr.

I did decide there should be an “InfertiliUpdate” available via email to share with your closest friends. It would be somber colors and dripping with sarcasm, jealousy, bitterness, and despair. Maybe you could customize the depressing background of your choice. Text for a sample update follows.

***********************************************************************

Mrs. Hope’s InfertiliUpdate – 8/9/2005

This is cycle 14 trying to conceive the child that just won’t be. Mrs. Hope is consoling herself with peanut butter ice cream, while her husband just realized it’s been over a year now.

Mrs. Hope is currently on cycle day 14, which is when “normal” girls ovulate. It doesn’t look like that’s likely for her this cycle, though. One of her ovaries should have a nice, fat follicle ready to release an egg. She’ll probably ovulate around cycle day 18-20, just in time for her to be miles away from her husband, making conception this cycle highly improbable. At least she won’t get her hopes up and her heart broken this August. They’ll continue to have sex every other day until she leaves for her trip on Friday, though – just in case ;).

Mrs. Hope is continuing to take Parlodel (bromocriptine) to try to stop her pesky little boobs from lactating when they aren’t supposed to be. Talk about embarassing.

Mrs. Hope and her husband (well, Mrs. Hope at least) are anxiously awaiting their follow-up appointment with the RE (that’s a Reproductive Endocrinologist) to find out what he thinks is wrong, and hopefully implement a treatment plan. Mrs. Hope is hoping for IUIs (that’s where Mrs. Hope’s husband gets to masturbate into a cup, his sperm gets “washed” and then inserted via a catheter into Mrs. Hope’s uterus), but she knows that the doctor may not be ready to proceed to that step yet. Watch out for her to be disappointed if he wants them to try “naturally” for the next few months.

Look for next week’s update – the dreaded two week wait – will she test or won’t she? You’ll just have to wait and see!

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~ by Larisa on August 9, 2005.

9 Responses to “spam?”

  1. I would have to tell my best friend not to send me those babycenter e-mails. For so long I’ve been wanting to sign up myself, that to have to read it for someone else would be too heartbreaking. But I LOVE your infertiliupdate!

  2. BWHAHAHA!

  3. What Jen said… me too.

  4. So. Freaking. Funny.

  5. Oh God! I DARE you to send that to everyone you know!

    Especially the part about masturbating into a cup.

  6. Yes — I double dog dare you to send a InfertiSpam to your friend! I particularly like your 3rd person description!

    If you can’t ask your friend to remove from the email list, I would be marking them as SPAM or deleting before opening. That SUCKS!

    Does she know what you are going through? If she does, she is a Beeatch! How insensitive. If she doesn’t know, why the hell would you want to know about the baby changes anyways?

    Hysterical post!

  7. Ooh, I might have to steal your idea, patent it and make all those fertiles JEALOUS of our exciting treatment! I hope it was copy and paste with a bunch of emails, and that she didn’t have to select you specifically. If she did, how heartless, really.

  8. heheheh! Funny!
    P.S. snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow!

  9. heheheh! Funny!
    P.S. snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow!

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