So my parents are coming to visit today. Well, sort of. They are really coming to move my sister back into her dorm for the fall. They’ll just stay with me. And *say* they are visiting me.

So I should be cleaning right now. But I hate cleaning.

I’m more concerned with moving all of the infertility stuff somewhere they won’t see it. It used to be so easy to conceal. Hide the thermometer! Now it’s medication, books, articles, receipts, the Great InfertiliBinder. The sadness on my face.

I spent another night in tears. The really sad kind. Where the tears just drip from your eyes. I have this (probably irrational) sense of forboding. That the cyst is a sign. A sign that this isn’t the beginning of the end of the IF road. But only the beginning of the beginning. I want the end.

~ by Larisa on August 27, 2005.

4 Responses to “housecleaning”

  1. Sounds like the way my parents “visit”.

    So sorry you are going through a rough time right now.

  2. maybe a visit from the parents will help just a little. i know it isn’t the answer but maybe it’ll help. i know when my parents visit i have put on “the act” that all is ok and sometimes, for the time they’re here at least, i believe it myself. crazy, i know.

    you’re in my thoughts as always. and in my prayers that this damn cyst goes aways never to return.

  3. I wish I could comfort you. That cyst is just a cyst, and whether you are at the beginning of the beginning or the beginning of the end either way — it’s a beginning, and there is hope for you. It’s hard to find sometimes, and at this point it has suffered quite the beat down but you wouldn’t have the meds, the great infertilibinder, the articles, and the sad face if there wasn’t some hope for beauty to come.

    I’ll be stalking your blog to see what happens. I’m keeping fingers crossed that the cyst goes away … and that your dreams come true.

  4. I know there’s times where you feel desolate and it feels like the end – but Teresa’s right, it is the beginning and you do have some hope. Even if you don’t feel it, we’re hoping for you, so hang in there!

    Oh, and the only time my house is absolutely spotless is when my parents come over…

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