male optimism

Darling husband has such a different outlook on this whole “infertility” thing. He isn’t fazed by much in life, so this isn’t really any different. He is quite convinced that I will be pregnant on either this IUI cycle or the next. He has said repeatedly that he thinks I will be pregnant “for sure” by Christmas. I nod, say maybe. Maybe not. I’ve made sure he understands the statistics – it is more likely that I won’t be pregnant by Christmas. Don’t get me wrong – again, it’s that cautious optimism thing. I’m more excited about this cycle than any of the past, say 5 cycles.

So now we have a little wager. Maybe not a wager per se, but it got dear husband really thinking and talking about what happens if Clomid/IUIs aren’t the solution. If I am pregnant by Christmas, he gets to choose: LASIK or super-duper obscenely fancy and large television. What’s in it for me? We save that money for whatever is after Clomid/IUIs. Injectables, IVF, whatever. ‘Cause insurance pays for the IUIs (but not the meds or anything related to IVF).

This little wager sparked our first real discussion about what happens if this doesn’t work. Maybe we should have had one earlier, but I figure one step at a time. And we’ve only just begun. And I know this IUI thing could work. It was enlightening to have the conversation. Husband doesn’t want to have to do any of it – he hates the idea of having to spend all of our savings to start a family. And then if, horror of horrors, we want more children later? What then? I don’t have answers for any of it.

I hope we are picking out a TV in January.

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~ by Larisa on September 6, 2005.

9 Responses to “male optimism”

  1. I hope you are too.

    These conversations aren’t easy. The “what-ifs” looming keep changing, morphing as our journeys change. It’s hard.

    We’ve recently revisited the conversation, but I couldn’t even address the “what if nothing works” yet. Not yet.

  2. Mine is also much more optimistic than I am. I mostly find it helpful – a way of keeping me on an even keel. We still don’t have a plan b.

  3. We always knew it was IVF, so I’m lucky that my husband was always on board. I hope you’re buying that TV because it’s not easy to struggle financially to do IVF. It’s a tricky matter. If it works, then it was money well spent.

    It’s the what if it doesn’t that’s frightening, as you already know.

    I hope none of this will matter to you!

  4. Yes, I found we had to do baby steps in discussions. He seemed to be optimistic like your husband. Now, as time is passing, he seems to finally be bringing up the “what if” discussions…which with my DH is important because he needs time to process these child issues. I have always known mine…I’ve wanted 2 children since I was born. He really didn’t care either way (at least when we met).

    Ironically, now that we are struggling so, we both want a larger family (at least large for us) with at least 3 children! God, just give me one to get me strated, PLEASE!

    Hang in there and do you want to get Satellite Cable with that tv? 😉

  5. I will ask Santa ever so nicely to bring a great big fancy-schmancy television to the *Waiting* household.

    He can hardly refuse.

    And the male optimism thing? Oh yeah, it can be awfully stubborn. I was terrified when we started IUI’s because J was adamant about only doing ONE. Later, I found out the source of his optimism: He was sure that was all it would take.

    PS: IUI’s DOOOOO work! Hang on!!!
    -D.

  6. Yeah, I’m hoping for the tv too. We have talked a bit about the what ifs but not a whole lot. I think after this IVF we’ll have to do a big reassess.

    It’s so fucking hard isn’t it.

  7. My DH is more optimistic too. I say “If”, he says “When”.

  8. I am glad that you were able to begin discussing “what next.” More importantly, I really hope that it won’t be necessary for you to seek additional treatment after this cycle.

    Until my lap, my husband was more optimistic that I was. Now, I think we are on the same page ranging from being cautiously optimistic about IVF to somewhat pessimistic.

  9. I am glad that you were able to begin discussing “what next.” More importantly, I really hope that it won’t be necessary for you to seek additional treatment after this cycle.

    Until my lap, my husband was more optimistic that I was. Now, I think we are on the same page ranging from being cautiously optimistic about IVF to somewhat pessimistic.

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