inching out

of the IF closet, so to speak. At first, we told *no one*. Then I talked to PGBF (before the pregnancy) about it. Then to a friend who is an ob/gyn.

I swore them to secresy. They were not to discuss it with their husbands, and it was not a topic of conversation that I indulged in often. They also didn’t really know any details.

And then another friend kept asking, and asking, and asking that pesky question about kids. So I told her. And another. And another. And another.

It’s still not dinner table conversation with friends. But it feels good in some ways to just say, “Yes, we want children. We’ve just been having some trouble.”

Husband and I also talk about it more now. It’s not that we didn’t mention it before, it’s just the conversations have gotten easier. About what is happening now, what’s coming next week, next month, next whatever.

Part of me feels like telling the truth every time someone asks that “kids” question. But I’m not quite there yet. And we aren’t telling family. Yet.

But if evil SIL asks for the 500th time, she might just get an earful. Or maybe not. Can you imagine the assvice and questions that would follow? I giggle and shudder to think of it.

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~ by Larisa on September 29, 2005.

10 Responses to “inching out”

  1. Sometimes if you tell them exactly what’s going on it shuts them right up 🙂

  2. I agree with Jenn. We use to get the questions all the time (and still do from some people of course) But now that family knows what’s going on with us we don’t get hounded at all. And surprisingly every now and then we get the “so how are things going” and “how ARE you” questions. Much better than “when are ya havin’ a baby??”

  3. It feels good to let it out. When we started talking about it to people outside our family I noticed that I couldn’t stop, I would tell anyone that asked.

  4. I agree. I think you just get to a point and all of a sudden it just makes as much sense to tell whomever’s asking the truth rather than not. The “we’ve been trying but it isn’t so easy for everyone” does do wonders to change the topic. But I’ve found that knowing everyone (family and boss)knows that I’m trying is much less troubling then having them think that we weren’t trying/didn’t want that at all.

  5. I think it’s good to talk with friends about IF. They may not say the right things but we know that they are cheering us on from the sidelines.

  6. Each to her own… I’m a damn open book because I got tired of being the one who was uncomfortable. Of course, DH is a private person and sometimes he would cringe when I would tell people. What eventually happened was that I lost all control one Christmas when someone asked me, “Don’t you want a couple of those,” in reference to the goddaughter princess opening her presents with beautiful joy. I just looked at him and said, “Yes. I would. But I can’t,” and then started to bawl. It was horrible, but life became much easier afterwards.

  7. I’m with the tell it like it is brigade.And it seems to have made it alot easier.

    It’s amazing what a relief it is to have someone actually acknowledge that this is a really hard road.

  8. I’m with the gang… it feels good to not have to suffer in silence (*something I’m not terribly good at anyway). I understand feeling your way out, though. I think we will always be very vague and general when it comes to letting my side of the fam in on all the details. But thankfully, they are an isolated bunch in an isolated place.

    Congrats on your “coming out.”
    -D.

  9. Congrats on being comfortable enough to explain to people! I have told 3 friends, both sets of parents, and my boss and her secretary know (because of all my appts). I am still not ready to tell everyone; although that may be ending soon when we start looking into adopting.

    Although, reading Teresa’s post made me cry because I could see that happening to us this Xmas. It seems all the cousins are having babies…

    I look forward to hearing how you explain it to the evil SIL!

  10. We’ve been fairly open with some of our friends and some of my family (Mom & sister). Recently at a family reunion one of my Mom’s cousins asked about our plans to have children. I brushed her off as I was caught off guard. Then I got mad that she felt she could be so intrusive. A little while later we were talking about exercise and I casually mentioned that I stopped going to Pilates after my miscarriage. She then realized how badly she’d put her foot in her mouth earlier and apologized. It was worth divulging that info to make her realize the inappropriateness of asking those kinds of questions.
    Sometimes I can feel good to tell people what’s going on but I’ve found the ongoing discussion/disclosure of the journey to be more difficult than I expected.

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