that four letter word

It starts with an H and ends with an E. It’s such a small, powerful word. It can fill my heart and tear me to shreds at the same time.

I have hope. I can smile as I type that. I can smile while I call to schedule my injections lesson.

I have hope that the injectibles will be our solution. That they will mark the beginning of a different, much happier journey. I have hope that we might even be able to start this cycle while we still have insurance coverage.

I have to take my 10 days of Provera, and that’s ok. It’s just the jump-start to the beginning of my next cycle. I have hope that the cyst on my left ovary will vanish before my next date with the wand monkey.

There’s still that part of my heart that is protecting itself. That knows there are no guarantees here. But that’s ok.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll pull out some of my Christmas stuff this weekend (I’m not making any promises, though).

I have hope.

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~ by Larisa on December 9, 2005.

8 Responses to “that four letter word”

  1. I’m really proud of you that hope is making an appearance and you are letting her in!

    With this, my first IVF cycle, hope peeks in now and again (but unfortunately I usually beat her down).

    I still have a pumpkin on my front stoop… and a scarecrow “welcome” plaque on the front door. The Christmas spirit just hasn’t hit yet. Sigh. I must do something this weekend. At least a wreath!

  2. I’m glad you’ve found hope. We all need it and I know it will help you through your cycle.

  3. Well, I’m glad that Hope found a welcome home after I tossed her out.

    We put our tree up earlier in the week, and I must admit I enjoy it.

    So it sounds like you may be shooting up, I mean injecting, over the holidays. Good luck. And I’ll hold out some hope for you.

  4. {{{HUGS}}} i’m glad hope has come alive.

  5. “Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things.”

    -So says Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption, right? I’m so glad you are hoping. I’m hoping for you, too.

    Hoping, hoping, hoping.
    ‘Tis the season.

  6. I have lots of hope for you too. You are in my thoughts.

  7. I think it’s ok to hope. Otherwise how would we go on? Remember, Hope was the one thing left in Pandora’s box, the one thing that could heal all the misery that the box had contained…

  8. Hoping she doesn’t leave you.

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