where do I belong?

I went to my first local RESOLVE meeting today. I went with another woman I’ve recently met who also sees my doctor and has had the same insurance crap as me.

The women were very nice. But I almost feel like I don’t belong. Like my story isn’t sad enough. Like I haven’t tried long enough. Like I’m too young to be worried about my fertility.

But I am. And my story is sad enough for me. Maybe I don’t want to belong?

Each woman rattled off her story, her issues. I have enough of them, and I didn’t even get into the whole lactating thing. I kind of forgot about that one. Each woman rattled off her treatments and how long she’d been trying. It seemed that so many of them waited 2 or 3 years before seeking help from an RE.

I realize I am fortunate in so many ways. That we discovered this while we are still young. That my ovaries appear to be competent.

But I still don’t have a baby. By default, that makes me belong.

I will probably attend at least one more meeting. I hope to be able to shake this feeling that I don’t belong.

In other news, I’ve made a consultation appointment with an acupuncturist for next week. The women at the meeting had heard of her, and it seems she works with patients from my clinic frequently.

~ by Larisa on January 27, 2006.

9 Responses to “where do I belong?”

  1. How odd… I almost went to RESOLVE tonight. I used to go but just stopped going because I found I got more depressed than it did me good. I went to the acupuncturist today (first time)… I wonder if its the same one. I know its one that works closely with a lot of TFC gals.

  2. *Hugs* Sucks not feeling like you belong, even though I know none of us ever want to belong to this.

  3. I absoutely love how you write. Your entries are so expressive and I can almost hear the emotion in your words. Sending you lots of hugs on this journey! Em

  4. Oh Mrs. Hope – don’t be worrying about belonging to the club! This isn’t a competition to see whose story is the saddest. You SHOULD feel a little better that you were on top of things to see the RE sooner rather than later and that you’re ovaries are working.

    All that being said, I understand what you’re feeling. I hope that feeling goes away, ‘cuz as you correctly put it – your story is sad enough for you – and that’s why we are all here pulling for you.

  5. I can relate. I had just turned 30 when I went to my first RESOLVE meeting, and Ifelt the same way. I had had a miscarriage by that point, but in terms of treatment, I was only in the middle of the 2ww for my second IUI. It was weird to hear the stories from women in their 40s who had been through several IVFs, etc.

    But I stuck with it, and I’m glad I did. After a couple of meetings, I began to recognize people and make friends, and I felt more comfortable (even though I still have yet to do an IVF, and it’s a year and a half later).

    There are a lot of women in their late 20s/early 30s at the group I attend. Actually, we’re probably in the majority at our meeting. After a meeting I went to on Monday, someone commented how it’s kind of scary to see so many young (relatively speaking) women at these meetings. It seems like infertility keeps striking at younger and younger ages.

    I hope you decide to give the meetings at least one more try and that you find the support there that you’re looking for.

  6. I can relate to all of those feelings. Now, after over a year of IF treatments, I have been blessed with a pregnancy…and now I don’t feel like I belong anywhere! I don’t fit with IFers completely anymore and I don’t feel like a normal pregnant woman who talks about the “fun” of trying, etc. HAH! Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to belong in this out-there part of the world where I don’t feel I fit. It is just funny how things can change, and others never change. Hang in there.

  7. I went to two Resolve meetings. Having the support online is better for me. If a post is too sad I can stop reading, but I can’t tune out the sobbing and tears when I’m sitting in the same room with the other women.

    Someone always has a worse story. It doesn’t matter how much someone has gone through, or how old someone is, or any of that — we’re all unlucky. We’re all sad.

    Another reason why I prefer this method over physical meetings is that sometimes the posts have nothing to do at all with infertility. I like that this way I get to know more about a person. Stick with whatever works for you. I think it’s a good idea to give the Resolve meeting another try.

  8. I know what you mean. I discovered I had problems only when I had milk-leaking boobs from a prolactinoma and then polycystic was diagnosed and then I did clomid etc. I feel lucky because I am pregnant now but also because we started investigating it when I was 27ish.

  9. I hope you keep that good attitude of being thankful your situation isn’t worse. I have been going through infertility treatments (with cancer treatments in between) for 3 years now and it is frustrating to watch women wallow in self pity. Yes it sucks, yes I cry, yes I eat alot of chocolate. But I am blessed in many ways too. I’ll get through it just like you will. I hope that doesn’t sound mean, because I don’t mean it to be.

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