super meltdown

What was I thinking? We decided to have some friends over for the Superbowl. It was just three couples.

One was PGBF, due in two weeks, and her husband.

One was J’s childhood best friend, his wife, and their two children, ages 9 months and 3 years.

One was a couple we’ve been friends with since high school, and their two children, 2 years and 5 years. I often run with the wife, who is an ob/gyn.

So, what do you think the conversation kept coming back to? Babies, birth plans, breast-feeding. These are all subjects that I’ve handled well with each of them individually. But with all three women, it was too much.

The conversation turned to c-sections. How no one wants one. No one wants the scar. How the two women who’ve had children were proud of themselves for being able to have “normal” deliveries.

I felt so broken in that moment. So not “normal”. A “normal” conception isn’t going to happen for me, and I may not even have a shot at a “normal” delivery.

I high-tailed it to my bathroom and sobbed. That’s the first time I’ve lost it like that in front of anyone but J.

The women all felt terrible, which anyone reading this knows was not my intention. I don’t want people to have to tiptoe around me.

The tears haven’t really stopped. I’m going to blame it on my period (thanks, Tripping Daisy), which is here for real.

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~ by Larisa on February 6, 2006.

16 Responses to “super meltdown”

  1. Oh Larissa, I’m so sorry! Though I have to say, I hope the women felt terrible! How insensitive of them. I hope that they realize now how difficult things are for you. But I’m glad that cd1 is here, so that you can get started anew.

  2. I’m sorry you had to go through that but I agree with Mellie they were very insensitive. I know how you feel about feeling broken.

  3. I just stumbled on to your blog from Underwater Clown Conspiracy and am slowly reading through the archives to catch up.

    I’ve had a moment like that recently, having several pregnant friends. One on one I can handle, in a group not so much. I think their level of sensitivity decreases in the group environment.

    I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

  4. Yes, what were you thinking. Watching the Superbowl. πŸ˜‰

    We’re in a bad position, aren’t we. I understand your desire not to make your friends feel uncomfortable arround you. But a small reminder of your struggle now and again can’t harm them too much. After all, once they close the door of your house, they can breathe a sigh of relief that they’re not in your shoes.

    Take care.

  5. Yes, what were you thinking. Watching the Superbowl. πŸ˜‰

    We’re in a bad position, aren’t we. I understand your desire not to make your friends feel uncomfortable arround you. But a small reminder of your struggle now and again can’t harm them too much. After all, once they close the door of your house, they can breathe a sigh of relief that they’re not in your shoes.

    Take care.

  6. i’m so sorry you had to go through that. i wish i knew the words to comfort you but i know all too well that when you want something this bad and no one can guarantee it to you there are no words of comfort. {{HUGS}}

  7. Fertiles are stupid when they are en masse. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
    😦

  8. I’m so sorry – I had an incident several months ago in which I had rush to the bathroom in a restaurant because the tears were coming no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I was at a bachelorette dinner and half the women were pregnant. There was also a pregnancy announcement. Then one woman turned to me and asked, β€œSo when are you going to start having babies?” UGH. It’s so hard.

  9. ****************Hugs****************

  10. Man, we sure had a cry fest this weekend. I hadn’t cried so much in so long.

    Reality does just suck!

    I am sorry, HUGS!

  11. I’m so sorry that happened to you! But good for you for expressing your feelings. I’m sure they didn’t mean to make you feel bad, but hopefully it will help them be more sensitive to you in similar situations in the future. (((hugs)))

  12. Larissa,

    I am so sorry about what happened at the party. It’s true that with all those kids, unfortunately the talk was going to be mostly about kids.

    I have to disagree with all the stupid”normal” comments they made. My baby wasn’t concieved naturally. Of course I wish it would have, but really it doesn’t make a differance. It looks just the same as all those other little 6 week babies. And so what if you have a C-section? There is no special prize for mothers who deliver vaginally ( actually one of the plus side to having a c-section baby is that their heads come out nice and round πŸ™‚ ) C-sections are the norm for so many women. You are not a better woman or mother just because you delivered vaginally.

    I think it is easy for women to make comments like this if they never really had to deal with anything hard ( pregnancy related). All that matters in the end is a healthy baby, no matter how it was created or how it makes its entrance into the world.

    You are in now way broken!!! Get that out of your head right now:)

    I look foward to this IVF cycle working for you and I know you will be getting that BFP soon!

    Timea

  13. I meant no way broken

    Timea

  14. I meant no way broken

    Timea

  15. Bugger! Very sorry that these friends had no decency to understand your feelings.

    Will be stalking you big time and of course I will have you in my prayers…

  16. Mrs. Hope,

    I am so sorry. πŸ™‚

    -TC

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