now what?

Well, isn’t it fitting that my last post was my 200th? What’s a good IF blog without a pregnancy ending on your 200th post?

I don’t even know what to write. I’m so sad, so frustrated, so angry, so heartbroken. I’m so mad that we have to make more decisions about treatment.

It is very dark here right now. All I really want to do is crawl into bed and never, never, never get up. I don’t want to make decisions – none of them feel right. I don’t want to take time off; that feels even worse.

My doctor is strongly recommending we do a FET with our single frozen blast. J and I are about 80% sure that is NOT what we want to do. I’m guessing that the success rates for a single frozen blast transfer are somewhere in the neighborhood of 25%. J and I would rather try another fresh cycle, in the hopes that 1) it would work 2) that we would be able to add at least one more blast to our frozen “stash” for use later.

Please let today be the last day I have to give blood for this cycle. Please.


~ by Larisa on April 24, 2006.

12 Responses to “now what?”

  1. It is dark over here as well. This sucks….more decsions, more money, time, and heartbreak. I am sorry you are feeling bad my friend.

  2. Oh Mrs. Hope, I’ll also send a wish to the heavens that this be your last blood draw. I so wanted it to turn out differently. Wanna come to NYC? I’ll treat you to a fun broadway show and you can go running in central park and we’ll come up with creative ways to forget about stupid failed ivf cycles.

  3. It is a hard decision to make. I wish you could stay in bed a few days.

    I used to hate waiting. If insurance will pay for a fresh IVF cycle, I don’t see the harm in trying again. If it is something you have to pay out of pocket, I would take the 25% gamble on the last blast. That 25% isn’t a bad number — it puts you on an even playing field as fertiles, really only you don’t have to wonder about the fertilization.

    If a fresh IVF cycle is what both you and J want to do, I’d go with it. Doctors don’t always know best.

    Lick your wounds and cry Mrs. Hope. I hope the light comes soon.

  4. I am so sorry about this outcome.

    Thinking of you.

  5. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down, but given the circumstances it’s only natural.

    If I ever go on to IVF, the docs will only transfer one embryo in the first few tries. It’s standard policy here, except under certain circumstances. Knowing this well in advance makes it easier to accept. I can imagine it would be a most unwelcome surprise otherwise.

    Take care.

  6. Mrs. Hope – it was dark for me too. Take some time to think about what you want to do next. I also have concerns about FET v. fresh and feel that my doctor is pushing me towards FET.

  7. Man it is dark EVERYWHERE! I hope the light starts to peak in soon. I am so sorry. Take your time. Go with your gut. Do what you think is best for you and J.


  8. I’m sorry you are having to face more decisions, blood work and still have to go through the dissapointment of this last cycle not working.

    I would say go with your gut. You and J know what’s best for you as a couple. Dr’s aren’t always right.

    I hope light shines on you and J quickly. Hugs!

  9. Please remember, that all of us blogging friends are lighting a candle to help bring some lightness to your dark world.

    Circle round, girls…

  10. I hope that you don’t have to give any more blood, that you can now draw a line under this cycle. I would also be wanting to do a new fresh cycle. Thinking of you.

  11. It’s dark in my world too. Why does the fertility goddess shine so brightly on some while others of us have to fight our way through the darkness looking for a glimmer of light and hope? Go with your gut instinct. I would want more than one frozen embie, but one is all that it takes…you just never know when the fertility goddess will shine on you.

  12. Mrs. Hope I have just caught up with your blog. I am so so sorry.

    Thinking of you.

Leave a Reply to Mellie Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: