I never thought I'd…

want children this badly.
pursue any type of infertility treatment, much less IVF.
do IVF not once, but twice.
willingly give myself shots in many, many different locations.
discuss my reproductive “issues” with anyone who asks.
know the names of the phlebotomists.
have so many ultrasounds that the nurses don’t even type my whole name anymore – just “Mrs. Hope”.
spend thousands of dollars without even flinching.
know so much about my own reproductive system.
know about the “overfill” in the Gonal-f pens.
wonder if I’ll do this a third time.
feel my heart actually ache at the sight of a baby.
cry in front of so many people.
be infertile. And now, it’s hard to imagine I’ll ever be pregnant. The kind of pregnant that equals a baby, not grief.

The baseline went fine. The follicle check went fine this morning. He measured 9 follicles ranging from 6.5mm to 9.5mm – he called them “a representative sample”. My E2 was slightly higher than it was at this point last cycle, so he cut my dosage slightly for tomorrow night. Next appointment is Friday afternoon.

~ by Larisa on July 4, 2006.

11 Responses to “I never thought I'd…”

  1. I wish you the best of luck this cycle. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

  2. Best of luck this cycle.

  3. Mrs. Hope your post resonated in my soul. So many of us never thought we would either. I hate that we have.

    Lovely numbers. I’m wishing hard for you.

  4. This is a wonderful post. I feel the same way. I wish everyone who tells me “I would never do IVF/IVF twice/etc” would read this. Most women doing IVF probably never thought they’d do it.

    Glad to hear the good news on the follicles. My clinic doesn’t do ultrasounds until day 7 or so, which certainly increases the suspense. My day 4 E2 was also higher than the last time around, which I hope is good.

    Anyway, sorry to stalk you, but it is nice to read a blog from someone in the same situation, especially someone who can articulate the experience so well. Good luck!!

  5. I’m glad to see that things are on track. Here’s hoping that this cycle is the last cycle – in the happiest sense, of course!

  6. Good luck, Mrs. Hope.
    From the bottom of my heart, I wish you a beautiful cycle with a beautiful result.

  7. Hugs! Here’s to hoping and praying this IVF brings you the dream you’ve wanted.

  8. I know, me neither. Except the first one. I always wanted children really badly.

    I hope this cycle continues to go well.

  9. *Sigh*

    Good luck.

  10. Good Luck today Mrs. Hope, Im thinking about you. Hugs

  11. “I never thought I’d” either.

    Well put.

    Good luck this cycle!

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