ok

Transfer is scheduled for 3 hours from now. This is where the cuckoo kicks in.

I’ve been really calm this cycle. Of course, there have been moments where I’ve panicked, but, thankfully, those moments have been short-lived.

I think I slept about 3.5 hours last night. Not consecutively, mind you.

Transfer is the single event in this process that freaks me out. I worry about this step more than any other – what if he can’t get that catheter through? Yeah, he got it through once, but that was three days after he dilated my cervix.

We opted not to dilate this time.

My doctor, thank goodness, is now very aware of how nervous I am about transfer. He has said he will do as much hand-holding as necessary to get me through this.

I’m wondering if more Valium might be a better option. Or a nice glass of wine.

I know that the odds are everything will go fine. It might take a little longer. There might be some additional maneuvering to get that catheter through the closed off bits and around the turns.

That knowledge doesn’t make the absolutely irrational thoughts go away.

Only a completed, atraumatic, successful transfer will do that.

Then…it’s on to the wait. Another set of cuckoo worries.

Despite all the worrying, I know something now that I didn’t know when we began the IVF process in February.

It will be ok. No matter the outcome of all of this, J and I will eventually be ok.

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~ by Larisa on July 18, 2006.

10 Responses to “ok”

  1. Good luck today. Hope everything goes smoothly.

    Will it make you relax if I call you a cuckoohead? (Sorry, couldn’t resist; it’s my niece’s favorite word.)

  2. It will at least make me laugh!
    -L

  3. Thinking of you today! Hoping and praying that transfer goes smooth.

  4. Good luck today! I have a difficult cervix and opted not to dilate this time, even though I’d had a bad transfer last time (but I don’t think it hurt the blast, which was bad to begin with).

    I demanded a Valium this time, and it helped somewhat. The transfer was better than the last one – the doctor doing it was just more experienced. I f-ing hate the full bladder, though – that’s torture, lying there for 30 minutes post-transfer. I may have killed off my embryos from the stress of that. I’m a sissy.

    Good luck to you and that everything goes well!

  5. Absolutely everything will be okay.

    And I’m here in CA thinking non-cuckoo thoughts to balance you out.

    Post after transfer if you can.
    ((((HUGS))))
    -D.

  6. I realize the transfer is probably done but if not, good luck! For future reference I have found that an extremely full bladder makes transfering with a wonky cervix much, much, much easier. I have two s turns in my cervix (my RE calls them corkscrews) and the pressure from a very full bladder straightens out the cervix considerably (even I can see the difference on the monitor). I have found this extremely helpful despite the obvious discomfort it causes in other ways. I hope everything went well today.

  7. you will definitely be in my thoughts all day today and until you post and update. i know it’s easier said than done to relax and breathe easy so i won’t say it…much love and {{HUGS}} going your way!

  8. Oh Mrs. Hope, I hope the transfer went (is going) swimmingly and that those blastocysts are staying in the uterus, picking the perfect spot to settle in.

    And fwiw, it’s an amazing thing to know that no matter what, you’ll get through this and that you & J will be okay.

  9. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and hope all goes well today!!

  10. Nailbiting times! Good luck.

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