trial? ha!

Excruciating. That’s what the laminaria placement was like today.

Last time – when it was a “trial run” – he got it in with relative ease. The whole appointment was probably 15 minutes long.

Not today. Today was 35 minutes of torture. He had to send the nurse scrounging for smaller dilating rods. He had to have a 2nd nurse in the room to use the vaginal u/s wand on my tummy. I might have a bruise. He had to try repeatedly to get the laminaria in. He had to use the tenaculum – that’s the first time ever.

I’m struggling today. Struggling to understand why I am so broken. To try to understand why this has to be so hard for me.

~ by Larisa on September 22, 2006.

5 Responses to “trial? ha!”

  1. Oh nooooo. Why is nothing, nothing, nothing ever easy?

    I’m so sorry about your grandmother. I’m so sorry about the pain you went through with the laminaria placement. I’m especially sorry for the struggling.

    It’s the struggle that’s the worst. There is nothing to understand, and that’s why it’s so damned infuriating.

    Please God Please let this become a viable pregnancy with a healthy outcome.

  2. Ugh, it sounds absolutely awful. I’m not surprised you’re feeling fragile afterwards. But the difficulty with the laminaria doesn’t mean the rest of the cycle is messed up. Hoping it gets a bit easier from here.

  3. Oh girl, I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time. I’m sorry you are in so much pain physically after the emotionally pain of loosing your grandma.
    I really hope there is a light at the end of all this, that child that you so want. I’ll keep hoping and praying for you.

  4. That sounds gruelling. I’m glad the doctor did finally succeed though.

    The whole thing is a struggle. Sparkle talks about IF in terms of Random Bad Luck (
    I tend to agree with that.

  5. Oh Mrs. Hope, you have been through so much, I really hope that everything gets easier now. I agree with Spanglish, it’s the struggling that’s the worse. It’s what this does to us emotionally and mentally that makes it so hard to bear. I really hope that the laminaria gets more “comfortable” but mostly I hope that you find some emotional peace despite all the crap that has happened.

    Thinking of you.

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