indecision

I’ve been thinking about how to post this update for a few days now.

We had our follow-up with my doctor on Thursday. J and my doctor are 100% on the same page with each other. They both seem confident that this can still work. They both think the Lupron Depot isn’t necessary. They both think some version of the laminaria placement is the way to go.

I, however, am struggling. I am probably overthinking everything. I actually told J (as I was sobbing uncontrollably) that he and my doctor should probably make the decisions at this point. I’m so stuck and paralyzed right now in my head – that I can’t.

I don’t like the answers the fancy Colorado clinic gave me, and I know they won’t work. I don’t like my lack of choice in the cervix department. I have an appointment scheduled at another clinic for another opinion, but I’m really not sure what they are going to offer me either.

Our plan for now is to do another trial laminaria placement. This time we will place the laminaria, remove it the following day, then do a trial transfer with the Wallace catheter 48 hours after that. The idea is to mimic a Day 3 transfer in a “real” cycle as closely as possible and to determine whether or not my cervix will stay dilated for that amount of time. If it works, we may attempt an additional trial transfer another 48 hours later (to mimic a Day 5 transfer). However, I think all of us think that Day 3 is probably the safest choice. We will wait until my next cycle to do all of this.

The only other changes are some slight modifications to my stimulation protocol, in an attempt to keep my E2 lower.

We discussed other options about my cervix – essentially there aren’t any good ones. ZIFT completely circumvents the cervical transfer, but no one does it anymore, and it’s been years since my doctor has. Success rates would almost certainly be lower.

I asked my doctor how many laminaria placements he was having to do. I’m the only one in at least the past 3 years. I asked how many he had felt it necessary to do the day before transfer in his entire career: 1. Guess who that is?

I don’t know when this third cycle might actually happen. My clinic has moved to new offices, and the lab is moving on Dec 1. The new lab will open Jan 9. I’m not clear on whether or not the old location is completely closing during that time. If so, it could easily be February before we cycle again. I’ll call at some point to find out more, but I don’t know when.

So I think the decision is that we are doing a 3rd cycle. And I’m fairly certain we are doing it here. I’m not ready to stop. And changing clinics – well – I’m not sure that would be a good decision in the end. I really do like and respect my doctor, and I feel like he listens to me.

This has turned out to be very rambling. Very much like my thoughts.

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~ by Larisa on October 15, 2006.

4 Responses to “indecision”

  1. It’s just extraordinary, how much life can throw at us and we just keep going. I do hope that somehow this laminaria thing can be made to work. Is there any global expert in cervices that you could speak to in the meantime?

  2. If a next cycle is for next year, you have some time to regain your balance.

    Doing the trials with the laminaria ensures you’re as prepared as you can be when you do go ahead with it.

  3. Mrs. Hope, I know you feel like you are out of control, but you do not sound that way. With each “hurt” it gets harder to dust ourselves off. But we do it. And you are doing it brilliantly. I so sincerely hope you do not have to do it again.

  4. I can’t state my feelings any better than Krista. I’m proud of you, though it seems an odd thing to say. I’ve been thinking of you.

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