the honeymoon is over

This blog began as my journal. I didn’t tell a soul about it at first. I enjoyed the freedom of being able to post what I wanted. It was different from the boards I posted on – no hurting other’s feelings if I needed to complain.

Slowly, other IF bloggers found it. There were a handful of us who started blogging around the same time – most of you probably know who you are. Some have succeeded. Some of us haven’t.

I still felt free to write – good or bad. I was also happy because other people found my blog by searching things about betas or laminaria. Maybe I helped some other woman in a similar situation.

Then I told other people about this blog. People from the boards. Two people in real life.

And now I filter. I’m cautious about what I post. I don’t post as often as I used to. I worry about friends finding this blog. I worry about offending someone, which apparently my last post did.

I have a right to be angry. I don’t like it. But that’s what I am. I have a right to be devastated. I have a right to write whatever I want.

But I’m not sure I can do it here. I need to be able to write when I am seething. When I am sobbing. When I am in pieces and feel like I can’t make it another day in this life I didn’t choose.

So, I think this blog is going to be a shell. I’ll post cycle updates when they happen. I’ll post “safe” posts.

The real stuff – the ugly truth stuff – that’s going elsewhere.

~ by Larisa on November 26, 2006.

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