treatment is for me

Friends sometimes say to me…you are so strong. You’ve been through so much. I wholeheartedly disagree.

I am not strong. I am not brave. Quite the opposite. I think I’m quite stubborn and maybe quite weak.

I am only doing what I can do, what I need to do. If you were me, and in my shoes, you would do the same. If I had your personality, maybe I’d be doing something different.

I wasn’t given a choice about being infertile. The choice I have is the path I take to create a family.

I’m the type that needs to do all the treatment I can in the shortest time possible. I know myself – I will be focused on this in a single-minded way until I’m either pregnant or treatment is no longer a viable option – financially, medically, emotionally.

There are other options.

But not for me. Not now. I’m not ready. I won’t say never.

The other path – the path that is right for me – that is the path I’m on. That is the path, though winding, that I hope leads us to our family.

~ by Larisa on January 17, 2007.

4 Responses to “treatment is for me”

  1. Is it strange that I’m excited for you? Maybe if I was a better friend I would be feeling more protective, with mixed feelings that you could be let down again. But, I just keep coming back to your blog over the past couple of months, hoping that your next transfer date has somehow been moved sooner. I’m glad you have a free box o’drugs, but I can see how it would also be hard to be grateful for considering what you have to go through to get it. Regarding your comments on not feeling strong, who am I to say otherwise–but you sure put on a good act if you’re not strong. Determination is a form of strength, if nothing else. Waiting with lots of hope for you!

  2. Is there any other way?

  3. I agree with you and Lut – is there any other way? I often feel the same way though – the opposite of strong. Just getting by and doing what I feel we have to do.

  4. Knowing which is your path is what makes me call you strong, you can call staying on that path stubborness if you like!

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