Lut C. asked how I was feeling entering this cycle.

I don’t know. A mixture of emotions. I’m physically tired; the new job takes its’ toll by the end of the week.

I think I was fairly certain that the first cycle would work. Or at least if it didn’t we’d have a couple of frozen embryos, and surely those would work.

I thought the second cycle would work. Then I thought the frozen cycle would work.

And somehow, I still think the third fresh cycle will work. It’s more out of desperation at this point – it just HAS to work.

I think I’m pretty calm going in – I still have some anxiety – of course about the laminaria and cervix stuff. I’m also a little anxious because my doctor goes out of town the evening of March 7 – which means I must stim in 11 days or less for him to do the transfer. I stimmed for 9 and 10 days during the 1st and 2nd cycles, respectively. So the odds are in my favor. But it’s also extraordinarily important to me that he do the transfer.

I also know that if this cycle fails, we will have insurance coverage for another. That, in and of itself, relieves some of the worry and burden.

But then there are tough days. I’m really tired of being in Lupron menopause; three months is quite long enough.

So I just am. That’s the only way I can explain it. I am ready for the cycle to begin, ready for it to be over, ready for it to work. Ready to have other worries, other cares. Ready for my life to begin again.

I just am.

~ by Larisa on February 16, 2007.

6 Responses to “ready”

  1. Oh I remember that feeling so well. In fact I think I wrote this post myself in September. I so hope this cycle is the one Larissa. So hope that you can stop cycling and start enjoying.

    Good luck!

  2. I can relate to your feelings. I felt them too in my first and second cycles… and by this one, I was like “let’s just get this show on the road!”

    I am hoping really good things for you this cycle!

  3. That’s pretty much how I felt going into this cycle. Anxious whether we would make it to transfer, and very much ready to get it over and done with.

  4. Wishing you good luck with the next cycle, from someone who is about to go into thee 9th transfer you wish you could still think this way!

  5. Well said, Mrs. Hope.
    I think this is a very reasonable place to be- this *ready* place.

    I’m ready for you, too. Bring it on, right?

  6. Yeah, you get to a point where you just don’t want to invest too much into the process because it takes a toll. I did 5 rounds of meds and cancelled IVF cycles. All those drugs — I swear I wonder some days why I don’t have a green glow about me– I proably have more preservatives than twinkies do. I hope your cycle goes well- I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

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