scent memory

A post *not* about BabyHope.

So it’s funny the way we associate smells with events. Some obvious ones are that outside smell that means winter is coming. Or the smell of a Christmas tree at the holidays. That hospital smell.

I buy anti-bacterial soap from Bath and Body Works – it’s fragrant stuff, and I like it better than the not smelly stuff. I’ve been buying it for awhile, and one of my favorite scents *was* Coconut Lime Verbena.

Until I had the same scent in my kitchen for months. The same months where I did shot after shot after shot for those IVF cycles.

And we have that soap in our kitchen again. It was the last one we had, and I’d put off using it. Every time I wash my hands (which is a lot lately), I feel like I should turn to the cabinet that no longer holds the alcohol swabs and sharps and start prepping my shot. The scent is compelling.

I need to get it out of the kitchen. Change to something that doesn’t have that association. I will never be able to smell that soap (or lotion) without remembering all those shots. Funny how our brains work.

~ by Larisa on February 1, 2008.

No Responses Yet to “scent memory”

  1. It takes a long time for the pain of infertility to go away. Give that soap away to someone, and go buy yourself a new scent — that way, you’ll always associate that smell with the happy days when your baby first came home.

  2. I know exactly what you are going through. I can’t stand the smell of the wipes I used for my grandmother in the weeks before she passed away because of their association with her at that difficult time of her life. I’m trying not to feel that way about the soap I used for her since I really liked it before, but, honestly, I’ve not been able to use it either.

  3. Funny you mention it. I love that scent, too. have it in my kitchen and bathroom, and I always have the lotion. reminds me of our honeymoon. Hope I don’t start smelling like IVF to you. πŸ™‚

  4. I love reading your blog. It gives me hope. We just found out today that our second IVF was BFN. $35,000 and nothing to show for it. We work with TFC also. Anyway, I hope your new memories of BabyHope replace those old ones of the cruel world of IF.

  5. One expects that when you have your baby that somehow you will have healed. But the sad fact is that you have suffered a loss. Having a baby doesn’t actually make the pain that you felt go away. You have to work though it. It sucks, but it is true.

  6. Yes, smells can really transport me to another time and place too. I also love that scent. My new favorite scent for my body wash is Sea Island Cotton. Give that one a try. Maybe that can become the scent you associate with peace, love, and motherhood.

  7. Smells are amazingly evocative of emotions, aren’t they?

    I think you should get rid of that soap. Maybe some day you’ll be over it, and ready to enjoy the soap again, but obviously you’re not there yet.

  8. The positive thing here is that Bath and Body Works has about a million scents, so hopefully you can find something that represents this wonderful new chapter. πŸ™‚ I think I get lost in that store every time I go in there…

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