this baby

Now, I’m not one of those people that believes in destiny or fate. I don’t believe that I was “infertile for a reason”. There is no good reason for anyone to suffer, and I’m not just talking about infertility here. There are lessons one can glean from each life event, good or bad.

And now that I’m on the “other” side of infertility, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Why?

Because I have this baby. Sure, I would have liked any of the first through fourth transfers to have worked.

But then I wouldn’t have BabyHope. I’d have some other baby, and we’d get along dandy, but I’d never have had BabyHope.

One of my friends who used donor eggs said something similar that stuck with me. She didn’t wish for her own biological children any longer; she wished the ones she had carried and given birth to could be her biological children. She didn’t want them to be an ounce different from who they were, and she wouldn’t trade them for anything.

I want BabyHope just as she is. If I could have gotten BabyHope after the first cycle, I would have wanted her then.

But I got her after the fourth. And I wouldn’t go back and change a thing about anything.

Because the baby I got is the baby from my dreams.

~ by Larisa on April 16, 2008.

No Responses Yet to “this baby”

  1. I think that’s a perfect way to look at it. And she is perfect.

  2. I feel the same way. I always tell Curtis that if things wouldn’t have happened the way they did, we wouldn’t have Cooper. It is so great that we have these beautiful babies and are able to look at things this way.

  3. Yep. Well put.

    – kristylynne

  4. I feel the EXACT same way. I have thought about this before too, that while it would have been nice to be a regular fertile, I would never have had Erik. Erik is the baby that I wanted and I wouldn’t change a thing about the past.


  5. I think your sentiments fit so many walks of life. I have often wished that Jesse and I had a child together. I always wish that I had not made the mistake of marrying the wrong man the first time, but If I had changed any of that I would not have either of my children. I can’t imagine a life without these ‘perfect for me’ kids.

  6. I came across your blog via another blog….and just wanted to tell you how inspiring you are. Your daughter is precious; congratulations!

    And I, too, am in “Central Texas”! 😉

  7. I started to read your blog last week. Somehow I found it… can’t remember how. Last week I found out that my first IVF didn’t work. It’s terribly sad and your blog gives me hope. Thank you.

  8. J has repeated stated that if he could take it all back and give me 20 babies with his own DNA he wouldn’t do it.

    Because then we wouldn’t have Pookey. She’s the child we are meant to have (and I don’t believe in “meant to’s” either)


    Thank you. You are awesome, you know that, right?

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