I’m okay. I keep saying that, and it’s mostly true. But I’m getting tired. I’m not good at not knowing and constantly waiting for what comes next.

It’s selfish, but I wanted easy this time. I wanted a shot at a good hCG level, a good rise, the normal 2.5 week wait until a perfect ultrasound. I just wanted to be able to be pregnant, not wonder if I’m sorta kinda pregnant.

Last week, my doctor would have given us a 5% chance that this would work out primarily because of my hCG levels. This week, we got bumped up to a 30% chance, but his concern is primarily the location.

There was no yolk sac and no fetal pole, so we still don’t know if it’s a viable pregnancy.

It’s located high up in the cornual part of the left side of my uterus – so basically very near the opening of the tube. My doctor is concerned that even if this is a viable pregnancy, that it may be too far up and may “blow out” the cornua. He thinks it should be okay location-wise – he and another doctor in the practice think there is enough tissue that it won’t “blow out”.

Of course, my doctor is getting on a plane this evening and leaving for a week. So if I have any pain or massive bleeding, I’m to immediately contact the practice and see one of the other 3 doctors.

I’m to get more bloodwork (hCG, P4, E2) and a methotrexate panel (just in case!) on Tuesday. Then go in for another u/s on Friday. If it’s still an empty sac at that point, he’s going to insist on methotrexate to avoid any potential or possible injury to my uterus. If we see a heart beat, he’ll just continue to monitor me closely in the hopes that 1) it’s in the uterus enough and/or 2) as it grows it moves towards midline.

So again, I don’t know what to think. And that’s what makes me tired. I’ll be okay if it ends, I’ll be fantastic if it works out, but I don’t know what to be right now. I’m trying with every ounce of myself to be calm and positive.

There is some part of me that does think it will work out. I just don’t know.

~ by Larisa on March 12, 2009.

No Responses Yet to “u/s”

  1. The waiting and not knowing is the worst. Sending fortitude and calmness your way. Come join the frenzy of stress baking, won’t you?

  2. Damn Mrs. Hope. Really that is all I can say. You deserve for it to be easy. It isn’t selfish AT ALL. I’m praying things take a turn and it moves and grows. I’m praying that you can stop wondering, “what’s next.” And don’t you wish he’d cancel his trip and stay in town just for you. I do!

  3. Why is nothing EASY? I am so sorry for you to be in this state of limbo. I’ll send all my positive vibes to you…I think mine work best for other people! 🙂

  4. Damn. Don’t know what to say. I nod in agreement with you about being in limbo. That’s the worst part.

    I just hope your answer comes quickly. And your sentence about having a part of you that thinks this may work out is all alone at the bottom of your post, but it does seem to resonate.

  5. Oh dear. I wish this was more clear cut, but I’m happy to hear he bumped up the chances because I do hope that this one sticks it out and hangs in for the long haul. I will be thinking about you.

  6. Aw damm, Mrs. Hope. This ISN’T fair. I’m sorry that you’re in limbo. 😦

    Fingers crossed so hard that this WILL work out.

    In the meantime? Hugs.


  7. What’s that old song say? “The waiting is the hardest part.” SO true. All I can say is hang in there and know you have bunches of people pulling and praying for you.

  8. I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now, and am praying this all works out. Almost everything in life is an active state,including patience with the one exception being waiting. Maybe it’s because we have no control and no time line, whatever the case it just plain old SUCKS! Hang in there! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. Ugg, I am sorry you are still playing the waiting game! Hopefully everything will work out well in the end- I’m still keeping my fingers crossed 🙂

  10. totally cruel and unfair 😦

    SIGH, HUGS my dear from me, its all I can do for you!


  11. I used to think the 2WW was the worst. You’ve now shown me how that is nothing in comparison. Limbo/waiting/wishing/hoping has to be so much harder.
    Still sending positive thoughts your way.

  12. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and I so hope some ease comes your way soon.

  13. goodness me, what a lot has happened in the last 10 days. really pleased to hear things are not over. Doesn’t the sac being so high up make it hard to visualise a fetal pole anyway?

  14. Wanted: crystal ball. In good working order.

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