I think I’ve typed and deleted about 10 sentences.  I know I have at least one draft sitting from last night.

The gist right now is that we are supposed to be done with ART.  But I’m not done wanting another baby.

I’m lucky enough that I’m not facing never.  Just never again.

I talked briefly with my doctor yesterday.  He blamed the embryos.  The truth is that it could be anything – it’s easy to blame any of it – the protocol, the lining, the embryos.  There’s never any actual proof.  We’ll sit down with him some time.  I want to hear what he’ll recommend.  And I want him to hear what I think.

There isn’t really a plan.  “Try” on our own.  Go on our trip.  Try not to cry every time my period shows up.

This was supposed to be the end, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

~ by Larisa on September 7, 2009.

12 Responses to “wordless”

  1. I am so sorry… I completely understand your sadness… Virtually wrapping you up in my arms and comforting you in your sadness….

  2. I’m so sorry! Thinking about you lots.

  3. I’m so sorry.

  4. My heart is aching for you. I am so so sorry.

  5. I”m sorry i don’t know if there anything right now that can help ease your pain, I’m sending you hugs.

  6. I am so sorry…this road is so hard and bumpy and unfair…sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

  7. My heart aches for you. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you hugs. And feel free to say Fuck whenever the mood strikes you.

  8. BabyHope, the light of your life that she is, doesn’t erase the longing. Linnea doesn’t erase mine either, though her presence soothes me.
    Grieve and move on, or change your mind and continue, no-one can answer that question but you. This is such a difficult fork in the road to be at. 😦

  9. I’m so sorry for you. This is just not how it should be.

  10. Giving up on ART is almost like experiencing an actual death. I remember so clearly that despair. I wish it had turned out differently.

  11. I’m so, so sorry……

  12. ((hugs)) I don’t have anything else to offer but ((hugs)). I’m so sorry this cycle didn’t work.

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