ah, hope

A couple of weeks ago I returned to acupuncture. My fourth acupuncturist in as many years. To be fair, I like the first one, but she’s moved so far north in my city, I can’t get there. The two in between weren’t right for me. They maintain that all I need(ed) is/was acupuncture – forget that Western crap. But I knew there was no acupuncture needle that was going to open my cervix.

I have mixed feelings about this. I’m very weary of people telling me what’s wrong with me. 

Yes, I’ve noticed that I can’t get pregnant. Yes, I’ve tried ____.

She requested that I use OPKs this cycle.  You know, to make sure we’re trying when we should be.

I know I ovulate.  I know my body really well at this point.  Trust me.

So I had my surge.  We timed it well.

And that opens the door to my faithful friend, HOPE.

So because a stick tells me timed it right, and I’ve been faithfully taking my bizarre (but well researched) passel of vitamins each day, and because I’m subjecting myself to another barrage of needles, I’ll spend the next 10 or 12 days thinking maybe.

Without the stick and the needles, I don’t expect anything.  And I don’t really expect anything different this time, either.  Then again, I sort of do.

~ by Larisa on November 30, 2009.

8 Responses to “ah, hope”

  1. I’ve never gone back on birth control since having O. And I’ll tell you something. EVERY cycle, there’s a moment where I think “I’m pregnant.” It’s so stupid, because our chances are SO low. But there IS a chance.

    So I know the feeling.


  2. Hope can be such a persistent thing, but that is the point, right? Hoping right along with you that that “crazier thing that has happened” lands squarely on your doorstep.

  3. hoping right along with you.

  4. I think Acupuncture can work miracles. I am so happy to hear you are actively trying! I will keep the Hope family in my prayers…

  5. Hope right along with you!

  6. You know, hope creeping in like that makes me grumpy. I’ve been dragging my *** to my RE for blood draws and U/S to do a FET, and at times I forget that the thaw will probably just fail, again. That’s when hope sneaks in, and in a way it makes the disappointment that much greater.

    So yes, encouraging hope, thanks a lot acupuncturist.

  7. I know exactly what you are talking about, we decided to give up on fertility medication because we each month there was that expectation that I would be pregnant and the disappointment was too much for me. I’m praying for you.

  8. Yes, hope…
    I think it is wonderful you have so much of it. I know can be both the fuel for your fire and what burns you. And I’m throwing another log onto the flames. As for hoping, I’m in, too.

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