two, tomorrow

Today’s post is for me.  Tomorrow’s post, assuming I get to it, will be for her.

Somehow, two years have passed.  Two years that seem like a blink.  I so vividly remember holding her on my chest, nearly in shock that *this* moment had arrived.  A live baby, crying on *my* chest.  It seemed impossible.

Even more impossible, she’s now walking, talking, running, jumping, climbing, drawing, playing, pretending, singing, and, of course, tantruming.

I know why I’m trying so hard again.  It’s because of her.  It’s because of how hard it all was but it was so worth it, it’s because I want another moment with a new baby on my chest.  It’s because I want to see her be a big sister, to have a sibling.  Ah, if money were no object.

It seems surreal that I could possibly be cycling again.  Getting up in the wee hours to draw up a lupron injection before she wakes up so she won’t see me do them.  I wish I could make her grow up more slowly, but get to the end of this IVF cycle faster.  Quite the conundrum.

I can’t wait to see her face tomorrow when she sees her new table and chairs (assuming we can get it assembled).  But I’ll be holding back tears, too.  Tears of joy, of disbelief, and just a tiny bit of sorrow that it all has to pass.

Two.  Not a baby at all anymore.

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~ by Larisa on January 6, 2010.

6 Responses to “two, tomorrow”

  1. Happy 2nd birthday to baby Hope! Don’t you wish you could have them as they are now and as they were as babies at the same time? I do. I wish I could time travel back and savor the moments over and over and over.

  2. I know well the feeling of being shocked two years have passed. I’m amazed at the person O is turning into before my eyes. Seems like just yesterday I didn’t think I’d ever be a mom.

    Happy birthday, sweet baby Hope.

    And I’m thrilled to hear that you are cycling again. Fingers crossed tightly that in the blink of an eye you’re celebrating no-longer-baby Hope’s new sibling’s second birthday.

    xxx

  3. For me it seems like birthdays are a little bittersweet-you love the little person they are becoming, but miss the little baby. My little guy turns 2 in 2 months and I am floored by how quickly it has gone.

    Happy Birthday, Lil’ Girl Hope and Mom!

  4. Tomorrow I’ll comment for Baby Hope, but today’s comment is for you: happy motherhood anniversary, my friend, all two beautiful years of it. As far as mothers go, you are right up there with the best of them.

  5. Awww, Happy Birthday little not so BabyHope!
    You know I get the desire to cycle again, and I don’t even know what it is I’m working for. Of course you want to experience it all again….she’s simply amazing.

  6. Your posts expresses so many things I can’t find words for. I’m tempted to plagiarize it (but won’t).

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