up and down continues

So over the weekend, the bleeding slowed significantly.  We celebrated my birthday, and my fledgling garden provided lettuce, pea, and spinach shoots.

I had a blood draw this morning.  About 10:30, I started bleeding heavily again.  I really haven’t stopped.  I’ve passed a few more clots, though none as large as Thursday’s.

My hCG rose, as did my progesterone and estrogen.  There’s the good.

hCG: 14, 754

P4: 802

E2: 7340

My doctor wasn’t in when I called, and he won’t be in the office at all tomorrow.  I’ll hear later today what he thinks of the bleeding.  I moved the sono up to Wednesday.

I’m cramping, I don’t feel well, I’m bleeding.  Please don’t tell me to be optimistic right now.  I get the right, at this moment, to be terrified in a way that if you’ve never done all the crap I’ve done to get here to see a toilet bowl full of blood, that you don’t get to be peppy about.  Sorry.  Yes, I know it could still work out.  It doesn’t mean my heart isn’t breaking.  Yes, I know it could be the loss of a twin.  I know.  I know.  I know.  It doesn’t change the way my heart sank this morning.  Not one iota.

~ by Larisa on February 22, 2010.

24 Responses to “up and down continues”

  1. Love you. Thinking of you.

  2. I’m so sorry. None of this is fair. Or right.
    or easy.

    Sending heaps of prayers to the man in the clouds.

  3. Of course you’re going to worry and be upset- anyone would- it’s your pregnancy! I hope it is just a minor subchorionic bleed- that’s when I have seen bleeding with numbers still rising and a good outcome in the end. Not sure what to think about losing a possible twin- no experience with that. Either way, rest, drink plenty of fluids, and I will be sending all the positive energy and prayers I can for a good ultrasound on Wednesday. It seems like it is so, so far away. Hugs.

  4. I’m praying for you and your little one(s)!

  5. I’m so sorry….you have every right to feel the way you do….I’m hoping and praying that the ultrasound on Wednesday can put you at ease, but that doesn’t change one bit on how you are feeling in this moment. Acknowledging your feelings and sending hugs!

  6. I’m really sorry about the return of the bleeding. 😦

  7. Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and hoping you’re feeling better soon.

  8. Your in my thoughts a lot. I can’t imagine the fear you must be in. Hoping and praying everything will be okay .

  9. All I will say is I’m sorry for ALL OF THIS…my heart just aches for you.

  10. I have been thinking about you so much and hoping, hoping. I really, really wish you weren’t going through this. No one should have to especially someone who has gone through the hell you have.

    I wish things were different. I wish you didn’t have to experience this fear.

  11. I’m so so sorry! Why must it be so hard! ((HUGS))

  12. I care about you, Mrs. H. I hope for the best, but I hate the suffering this is putting you through. I’ll be another to hold your hope because it must all be so very hard right now. ((hugs))

  13. I’m praying for you and Mr. Hope.

  14. I’m so sorry, my heart is just breaking for you. It really sucks how hard this is. You have every right to feel exactly as you do, and I don’t blame you at all for feeling that way.

  15. ((((hugs)))) and lots of positive thoughts coming your way. You have every right to be scared and heartbroken right now.

  16. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now. Hang in there. I am sending you as many good thoughts, all the time, as I possibly can.


  17. I hate when people give false hope but a friend of mine (sorry, I know you dont want to hear this) had this kind of bleeding throughout her first trimester and went to the ER numerous times with heavy bleeding and she now has a beautiful 7 month old. I’m still hanging onto positivity over here 🙂

  18. Hoping and praying for you. I’m so sorry that this has to be so hard.

  19. Holding your hope …

  20. it’s not supposed to be this hard, is it? i’m so sorry you’re going through this. holding lots of hope for you. xo

  21. Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible news today…

  22. Ditto what Chris said.

  23. I’m sorry this is such a hard time right now. With all you have been through I was hoping it would be smooth sailing. Still, I am praying for you and holding hope for you even though right now it’s hard.

  24. At times like this, what can you do but weather the storm. Thinking good thoughts for you.

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