I don’t know what to say

If I fell asleep, I wake up.  I go.  I do.  I try.

I am “getting through” this.  I am working my way to the MFM consult (not until April), the RE consult (also not until April).  Waiting.

I still play the sequence of events in my head.  Could I have done something differently?  Could there have been a less dramatic outcome that would make this not what it is?

We went to my therapist.  I don’t even know what to say.  I’m in the “fixing it” part.  I’m setting the appointments and gathering the information because maybe if I do that the harder parts will fix themselves.  She said it’s unlikely.

I’m just trying to get there – to the pot of gold answer that probably doesn’t exist.  I’m angry about a lot of things, I can’t think about most of it.

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~ by Larisa on March 17, 2010.

4 Responses to “I don’t know what to say”

  1. Who knows if there is even anything to say? It just hurts, and sometimes all we can viably do is feel instead of think. When I was mourning a dream people used to tell me that time heals all wounds, but lacerations don’t generally just scab over. I wish I knew what to say.

  2. I’m sorry. I wish I had more words. Something that would comfort you or give you clarity. I’m sorry I don’t. Take care!

  3. Is there anything that can be said? I still shake my head at it. All of it. The more I know, the less I understand. About everything. Wishing you peace, if even for a moment.

  4. I’ve never been through anything like what you’ve gone through, so I feel too inadequate to even offer words of comfort. I hurt with you. Started by taking it breath by breath – it hurt to breathe, then worked up to moment by moment. Still working on day by day.

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