saying something

I think things are moving in the right direction.  This is going to take time, lots of time.  The earliest a transfer would occur would be in late August or early September.  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned along the way, nothing in infertility land occurs at the earliest.

There are lots of things to talk about.  I sort of don’t know where to begin.  I feel vulnerable about this decision in a way I don’t think I’ve felt before.  It feels right, but it’s also complicated.  It feels like a decision that’s easily judged, easily misunderstood, and probably hard to imagine.  And I’m still wary about who reads here.

Without rehashing all of it, it’s a decision I couldn’t have made without the nightmarish end to the pregnancy in February.  It’s a decision that’s both easy and excruciatingly difficult all at the same moment.  It feels in some ways like I’m giving up, and in some ways like I’m fighting harder than ever, and I don’t have much fight left.

I know this is the end, no matter the outcome.  There is something freeing in seeing the light that means the end of this treatment tunnel.

~ by Larisa on June 11, 2010.

6 Responses to “saying something”

  1. You are an amazing woman!!
    Thank you so much for sharing!!
    Praying so hard!

  2. I know all too well that nothing IF related happens at the earliest, but I hope that fate makes an exception for you.

  3. “There is something freeing in seeing the light that means the end of this treatment tunnel.”

    I understand exactly. I hope that light comes with a sibling for BabyHope.

  4. Do take your time, think it over. Consider the necessary paperwork, there must be some to take care of.

    I’m eager to get moving again with treatment too, if only to get it over and done with. Odd perhaps, but I know I won’t be able to let go before.

    I’ve got my fingers crossed.

  5. I think whatever works best for your family is the best decision made. Nothing more, nothing less.

    Fingers crossed. We’re here if you need us.


  6. I think it sounds like you made the best choice for your family 🙂 and you know I have everything crossed for you that it works out~

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