doing what I do…


A lot of people seem to comment (here and in real life) about me seeming excited.  Or coping well.  Or about how tenacious I am.

I’m not.  How did I get here?  I did what I do.

I woke up in the morning.  I got dressed.  I put one foot in front of the other.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

I didn’t set out to spend six years trying to have babies.  That sounds flat-out crazy, and if the woman I was then knew what was in front of her, we would have packed up and moved to Hawaii.  Or France.

So it was good that I didn’t know what I know now.  Really.  Or we probably wouldn’t have BabyHope.

Excited.  I’ve done this too many times to get excited.  Yes, it’s different.  Yes, I think it has a better shot at working using someone else’s body.  But it’s still IVF.  And what do I know about IVF?  It’s a gamble that, in my case, seldom works.  At least it worked once.  I have that on my resume.

I’m mostly calm because getting stressed doesn’t do me any good.  Mostly calm.  I had a moment today – things got tossed in the air momentarily, and I dislike that intensely when dealing with treatment “things”.  But I think it’s going to work out.  So I try to dial that cortisol back down.

Doing what I do.  That’s all I can do.  There are a lot of steps to take, but I can only take them one at a time.

~ by Larisa on August 3, 2010.

2 Responses to “doing what I do…”

  1. Yep. One step at a time is all you can do.

    But acknowledging the hope that’s there isn’t a bad thing. Yes, your experience with IVF hasn’t meant a lot of success for you. But you’re changing the variables here, and that means that there IS hope that this might work out.

    I’m just saying.


  2. “Excited. I’ve done this too many times to get excited.”

    I needed to read that. The other day, I was told I had to keep thinking positive about the treatments. This from someone who had been through a number of IVF cycles. Only difference is that she has been much more successful with her cycles than I have (3 kids) from less fresh cycles. She implied a positive attitude played some part in this.
    I’m not an optimist by nature, so how on earth would anyone expect me to have a positive outlook after my string of negatives? Now I’m to feel guilty for not being positive? Honestly, I’m (almost) beat, but still drudging on anyway.

    Hang in there. I really, really hope the gamble works out.

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