we tried, again

We failed, again.

There’s nothing particularly new about failure for me.  There is, perhaps, for my friend.  And the whole thing sort of took me by surprise at that first lining check 4 or 5 weeks ago.

So we tried again, and I made “back-up” plans simultaneously.  My nurse and doctor generously indulged me, so my next plan has already begun.  My third party reproduction days, brief though they were, are over.

This has to be the last plan.  The last plan.  We exhausted plan z, now we’re back to plan y, and there aren’t any more letters in the alphabet.

Hysteroscopy Wednesday (yes, about 36 hours from now).  Baseline next Monday.  Then I grow a lining, nearly any lining, and we thaw and transfer the two remaining embryos.

I’m not hopeful.  I’m not excited.  I’m just putting one foot in front of the other.  There will be a last step, and there will be closure.  There has to be.


~ by Larisa on September 20, 2010.

11 Responses to “we tried, again”

  1. Yes, there will be closure one way or another.

    I’m hoping for the closure that brings you a safe pregnancy and birth and another live baby.

  2. Oh Mrs. Hope.
    I can’t even begin to imagine the range of emotions you have been through.
    Will you let us hold the hold for you?

  3. Good luck to you…everyday is closer to the end and the end brings closure. I just hope it brings you the ending you hoped for in the beginning.

  4. I understand the need for closure. And I am here, holding hope FOR you, too.


  5. Shit. I don’t really know what to say other than that I’m sorry and I’m hoping.

    I really hope your closure comes in the happy form, but if not I hope that just being done will bring some relief.

  6. You’ve tried so hard. I’m sorry plan z didn’t give better results.
    I hope your relationship with your friend doesn’t suffer.

    I’m thinking of you, while you put one foot in front of the other.
    Obviously, I’m hoping for you.

  7. So sorry! Praying for a great outcome! You deserve it!

  8. she’s so beautiful I so understand this . If I won the Lotto Texas would have another octomom. (me). I’m going to pray to St. Jude for you,



  9. I’m so sorry. Here’s to Plan Y, Take 2.

  10. Hope things are at least decent for you so far this cycle numbers-wise. It would be nice for your body to give you the best last chance possible. I can’t imagine how tired you must be of investing, investing, investing–time, money, heartache, and then waiting, waiting, waiting for the return. I can see why you are ready to tap out of the market after this go of it. I want this to be a great “go of it” for you, and I want you to get that baby!! I’ll hope for peace at the minimum, and of course no health emergencies.

  11. Thinking of you and hoping so very hard.

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