Seven years ago yesterday, we closed on our house.  We painted, bought furniture, had gutters installed, and were generally exhausted and elated.

Seven years ago today, my brother died in a car accident about 4 miles from our new house.  It felt like I stopped while the world continued to spin.

The gutted, empty feeling in my heart, stomach, and soul have scarred over.  I can remember them, but without the intensity and jagged edges.  I still think about him nearly every day, and I wonder who he would be now.  I don’t drive past the site of the accident often, but I always look at it when I do – as if I’ll see some part of him there.  Now, instead of physically grieving, I’m surprised that somehow seven years have slipped past.

It’s just another day.  When people see me today, they won’t know what this day is for me.  And then I wonder about their story – what ordinary day isn’t ordinary for them?

Seven years ago he stopped.  I wanted the world to stop because I thought I’d never catch up, never catch my breath again.  But somehow, I did.

~ by Larisa on October 11, 2010.

14 Responses to “seven”

  1. Sending love on this difficult day. And just wanted to sit with the brilliance of this line: “And then I wonder about their story – what ordinary day isn’t ordinary for them?”

  2. I’m so sorry.
    Thinking of you today.

  3. My breath caught in my chest when I read your post. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. I’m so sorry. and I’m glad to hear that the edges have smoothed over the years to be not so jagged.

  4. I’m sorry.

    You and your brother are in my thoughts today.

  5. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

  6. Thinking of you, him, your sister, your family, your friends, his friends. I can’t believe it’s been 7 years.

  7. I am so sorry about your brother. I can only imagine how difficult this day is for you. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  8. My thoughts are with you today. Can’t help but think about how your daily strength, resilience, and character are such a beautiful tribute to your brother.

  9. Thinking of you today.

    (And. My non-ordinary day is May 24.)

  10. I think of your brother every time TX and OU play. I remember when we first met, you telling me about him and M being a fan of OU.

    I guess it’s been about six? years that we’ve known each other then. Time does fly.

    Thinking about you. xo

  11. I never know what to say. I’m thinking of you, and of the hole your brother left behind in your lives.

  12. I’m sorry for the loss of your brother…

    And my non-ordinary ordinary days are Father’s Day (esp when it’s June 19) and September 2.

  13. I wish we could all think of this when looking at others and before judging. You never know what is going on with the person giving you change at the coffee shop or the person that held the door open for you.

    Praying for you today.

  14. This is a beautiful post. And you’re so right – I bet there are a lot of people out there going through un-ordinary days every day, unbeknownst to us.

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother.

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