I feel a bit like I’m suffocating on never again.  I had a lining check yesterday; it’s 6ish mm.  Estrogen level from last week: 3864.

But! it! could! improve!   So I go another week, another blood draw Tuesday, another lining check Thursday.

Do I believe that?  Not for a single second.  I have that sick feeling in my stomach.  No matter what I do, this isn’t going to work.  I can’t make someone else’s lining grow, and I damn sure can’t make my own grow.

I am out of optimism.  Out.  Drained.  It’s gone.

I worked so hard.  So, so hard.  That failure pill seems to grow each time, and swallowing it seems downright impossible at this point.

I don’t have anything else up my sleeves.

~ by Larisa on October 15, 2010.

6 Responses to “thin…”

  1. Aw, damn, Mrs. Hope. I’m so sorry to hear this.

    Wish I had words to make it better. Just know I’m virtually wrapping my arms around you in a hug.


  2. As you know we suffer from the same issue. I heard from many experienced REs including CCRM that the number is not important as long as the triple pattern is there. Yes- a lining of 8 or above is ideal, but not needed to support a pg. I hope this helps in some small way. I totally get how you are feeling.

  3. Hey Mrs. Hope – so sorry you’re feeling discouraged about your lining. My e2 for the mock cycle was only 70 and was less than the magic 8 mm and triple stripe was sketchy. Yesterday’s e2 for the real transfer (Nov. 1st) was 1600 – certainly better than 70 but u/s not until next week. I’ll continue to hold out hope for both you and me. Thinking of you.

  4. My RE also gave me the triple stripe is more important than lining thickness talk, but personally the jury is still out.

    I’m sorry things are going smoothly, but I will continue to hope for the best for you.

  5. “No matter what I do, this isn’t going to work”.

    That’s exactly what’s going through my mind. Sure, I still have some letters of the alphabet to get through (and franticly looking for more), but I can’t help but feel that it’s futile.

    You’re staring my next-to-worst fear straight in the face.
    I imagine that being on the brink of my last cycle, I would feel pretty bad. Bitter. Stressed.

    Somehow, you’re going to get past this point. You will.
    You’ve seen bad times before, and made it through those.

    I so wish it weren’t necessary. A stroke of luck – is it so much to ask for?

  6. Usually I have the triple pattern, but not last time which is why I was cancelled. The trental is supposed to get blood to flow to the legs and pelvic regions. You take and vitamin e 400iu a day. They say the trental needs time to start working, I’ve been on it since Aug. Hope this helps.

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