prolonging the grief

That’s sort of what the last months have felt like.  I knew at my friend’s first lining check – I knew – that her lining was not going to cooperate.  I already know mine won’t.

But we try anyway.  And tweak the meds and add viagra.  Acupuncture, vitamins, wishing.  I’m a walking estrogen bomb – 5091 on Tuesday, yet my uterus isn’t getting the message.  My lining was pretty much identical to last week.

So it seems inevitable that my lining will not reach 7.  It will not have a triple stripe.

It seems inevitable that we will have to make the decision to transfer (or I suppose not) the two embryos independent of my lining.  And it seems inevitable that it will fail.

So my grief gets extended, week by week.  Cycle by cycle.  Millimeter by millimeter.

~ by Larisa on October 21, 2010.

7 Responses to “prolonging the grief”

  1. Aw, sweetie. I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of you and hoping for a miracle.


  2. I’m sorry your body won’t cooperate. I wish things were different for you and you could continue this cycle with hope instead of despair.

  3. So Sorry. Wish all of this was easier for you and that your body would cooperate to let your last effort be the best that it possibly could be.

  4. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine having two embryos waiting to transfer and dealing with this…really, the frustration and sheer exhaustion of it all.

  5. I’ve been wondering how you were doing. It is slow torture.

    And a hard place to be in. Do you want it over and done with badly enough to transfer regardless of lining? Or is there a niggling part of you that wants to hold out just that bit longer …

    I’m not asking for an answer. I see that decision looming closer myself, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

    Whichever you decide, I wish you much strength.

  6. I know that feeling all too well. So sorry.

  7. I am so very sorry. Thinking of you.

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