in the car

Alone, in the car, is when the tears seem to fall.  It doesn’t happen very often, as I’m not alone much.  When I am, my mind wanders to the babies that should have been, to the attic full of treasures meant to be used again, to the woman in my neighborhood who had her third yesterday, and to the amount of effort I’ve expended trying to do something that many people do on accident.

I’m scared to ask Mr. Hope exactly what he thinks, as I think the answer will be what my mind expects and my heart can’t bear.  We are done, he will say.  She is enough, he will say.

And he is right.  But I want more.

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~ by Larisa on December 14, 2010.

6 Responses to “in the car”

  1. I know. More of enough. How could you not want it?

  2. I hear ya. I know my son is enough. But enough doesn’t mean I don’t want more.

  3. My car tims is my mourning time too.

    Hugs.

    xoxo

  4. Exactly.

  5. Seriously, life is so unfair. I was in my third year of fertility treatments when I had a seventh grade student with an infant son.

  6. I know 1 won’t be enough for me, either. But 2 may not be an option. I’m afraid to find out.

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